I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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