I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
