So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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