you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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