Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
