did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My dick has a subreddit
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
