i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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