evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
