My underwear smells like fireworks.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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