I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
