Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
