So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
