4 words: hood of his car
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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