I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
