Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
