so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His nipple licking is glorious
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