That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
