so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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