I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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