I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
