i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
