FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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