i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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