I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
