Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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