I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
