WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
