Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
