there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
