Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
