I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
this just has baby written all over it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
