So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
