The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
