Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
