so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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