Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
