I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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