I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
