my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
