I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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