Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
