i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
