May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
