i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
