if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
