she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
