Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
