Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
