Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
