I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
