I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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