I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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