I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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