someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
