and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
being pregnant is like rehab
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
