My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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