you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
