He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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