I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
